Marriage first or sex first?

Perhaps, a taboo in almost all religions, I chose to write on premarital sex because I came to know  the reasons, as told by many, that why premarital sex is a taboo. So I thought of giving it a thought.

First of all, religion. More than 1000 years ago, more than 5000 years ago, some guy I don't know he was, wrote books on moral codes. May be he was a great guy. May be he was superbly spiritual and wise. But I can be sure that he didn't know how the world would be after 5000 years. It's like a KG class child writing "How to prepare for board exams".

Even if I assume that he was an all-knowing person who could even foresee the future, are we following all the moral codes? He said, "Love thy neighbor", but we love only neighbor's son or daughter, if at all attractive. Someone wrote, "castes are bases on karma, not birth". We ignore that too. Hundreds of moral codes we ignore but not the code stating that premarital sex is a sin. Why don't we ignore it?

Many people told me that after having sex, or probably doing it a lot of times with the same person, slowly removes our interest in them. The mystery is lost. The 'unknown territory' is explored. So, the interest wanes and thus after marriage there is nothing to savor. That's what I was told by many. But hey! So I infer that marriage is nothing but a licence to have sex.

Who creates licences? Humans, of course. So there's nothing divine in marriage. It's just a social obligation then.

Now let me tell you my idea of premarital sex.

If the charm of a relationship is lost after having sex, then it clearly means that the relationship was based on physical attraction. If it was really based on spiritual or mental or emotional connection, sex wouldn't have taken away the charm. Thus, premarital sex can actually become a gauge stick to measure the level of love: physical or something beyond. They say that girls emotionally suffer the most if the relationship is over after sex. Why, I ask. The reason is that our society has made it a social sin if a girl isn't a virgin.

A virgin girl was preferred when the institution of marriage entered the society. As the feeling of ownership, superiority of men over women got into men's head, the system of marriage came up. A heir to their wealth was needed because personal wealth evolved. The ego of man required 'his' child to inherit his wealth. A virgin girl assured that she wasn't carrying an embryo. A virgin girl assured 'his' ego that he is and has been the sole 'owner' of the girl. Yes, the ownership mentality of males resulted in preference of virgin girls.

Instead of preventing girls and boys from finding out their 'type', why don't they tell them that there's nothing wrong in having sex before marriage, there's nothing wrong in enjoying what nature has given you. If it wasn't meant to enjoy, nature wouldn't have given that. Poking your eye in bad for eyes, so nature made it painful. If sex before marriage was bad for the soul, nature would have made it painful. But for an unconditioned mind, it's as pleasurable as it is after marriage. So, it's the society that creates a negative turbulence in the mind after someone does premarital sex.

Even if they don't have sex before marriage, the charm will be anyhow lost in marriage if the attraction is based on physical needs. Then what? The hopes are gone! Expectations crushed. Time for divorce. Oldies tell that love marriages are mostly unsuccessful. Love marriages can be extremely successful if the honeymoon happens before marriage. After the honeymoon, still if they want to be together, well, that's love really! Go ahead and marry! Your marriage and love shall be long lasting.

There's a reason why they say that honeymoon period is over after an year or a couple of years after marriage. The reason is that everything is explored. The mystery is over. Nothing to chase. Nothing to savor. But then, I have seen many marriages having charm even after many years. That's love! That's real understanding. That is something beyond the physical. So, you need to find out if your love is physical or something beyond it. Go and have a honeymoon because it's better to find that out before marriage than to be a prisoner for life. Yeah, divorce is an option but isn't that still a social taboo?

Some people compare sex with alcohol. They say, just like alcohol, sex is addictive. Well, I think it's not. Sex addiction happens only because society tries to prevent it. The more you resist, the more it persists. Nature has given us some basic instincts. They have a reason to exist. If they weren't important or needed, nature wouldn't have given it to us. Nature is more intelligent than any of us. Premarital sex is as natural as sex. Just the label of 'premarital' makes it sound unnatural because marriage itself is unnatural.

Statutory warning: Premarital sex can lead to unnecessary attachments with the partner which can make you need him/her rather than love him/her. So, some amount of maturity level and self-understanding is required. Else you might become a prey.