Is marriage really the end of love?

Socrates had a quarrelsome wife but when disciples asked him whether they should marry, he always advised them to. "If you are fortunate you'll get a good wife. If you get a wife like mine, you'll still be fortunate as she will help you become Socrates!"

But people like Socrates are rare. Most men cannot handle the misery, and either escape or get frustrated. The same goes for women as well. In her marriage, a woman may find the most terrible person who makes life hell for her. In fact, in most Indian marriages, women suffer more than men. What is the way out of this misery?

German politician Gabriele Pauli recently proposed that marriage contracts should be valid for seven years; after that couples who didn't feel the proverbial itch could renew them, else walk away. This may sound radical but it isn't.

People are divorcing faster today and most of the marriages in the so-called first world don't last more than three years. Those that last have little life in them.

Love is like a real flower. It doesn't live longer than it's meant to. But when love is converted into marriage, it starts to lose its tenderness. It acquires a plastic nature; plastic lives for as long as you wish it to but doesn't pulsate with life.

Love, like life, is always insecure. It cannot promise to be forever. That's why it is really very precious. One moment of real love is more valuable than an eternity of plastic life. But most people with deep insecurities go for a plastic marriage rather than wait for the real throbbing life of love, for they are scared to live alone.

Osho calls marriage the ‘coffin of love'. He says: "They all say that love is eternal, never dies. Absolutely wrong. Real love dies sooner than unreal love. Unreal love can live long; it is unreal, how can it die? If you are pretending, you can pretend as long as you want to."

Osho also tells us: "Love needs only one thing, and that is courage. Courage to die into the other, to drop your own identity, your ego. Millions have decided not to love, but then life is misery, life is hell."

"If one really wants to live, one must be ready for insecurity, and love brings the greatest insecurity in the world because love cannot promise tomorrow. Love is of the moment, for the moment, in the moment. Love can only speak for this moment, not for the next; the next remains open, vulnerable, insecure." "Love may be, may not be. Love has no guarantee whatsoever. Which is why people choose marriage over love. Marriage is secure and safe, guaranteed by the law and the government and the society and the church-something they can depend upon. But in that very choice they commit suicide for they will never really live."

"Life itself is insecure. Life knows nothing of security. Death is very secure, so those who are cowardly choose death instead of life. They choose the false and the plastic instead of the real. And those who are courageous, they choose the real. They go with it, wherever it may lead. They surrender to it. They are ready to go into the uncharted and the unknown and the unseen." And they truly live...
By SWAMI CHAITANYA KEERTI

SOURCE: http://spirituality.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2410988.cms

I don't believe you

How does the word ‘unbelievable’ sounds like? It’s unbelievable, isn’t it? Does it sound to you as if something great has been done, so great that you can’t believe it?

Well, I have a different story. Whenever I share my experience (am I sounding like an old bearded man?) with anyone, they say “I don’t believe you.” Does that make me unbelievable? The tone of their voice makes me feel alienated from the real world. I feel like saying to them, “don’t such things happen to you too?” But I refrain from asking such a question because a ‘no’ can make me feel all the more like an alien. The real threat to a harmless alien is when humans call him ‘fake’. “Oh you are just a human, masking like an alien trying to befool us or scare us. But we are not fools, we won’t let you go to your own planet, we’ll keep you among us and unmask you in the public.” They frustrate the poor alien by trying to unmask it when there is no mask existing. Then he decides to pretend like a human and ahoy! He’s welcomed! He can still see the extra-ordinary in the ordinary, but he pretends of not having a vision. He can still see the ordinary in the extra-ordinary, but he pretends having a sight.

One day, he gets tired of pretending and the day he gets honest with his identity, with his true self, he’s an alien, a fake again. He’s unbelievable again.

Shades of grey

“You don’t see the world the way it is. You see the world the way you are.” (I don’t remember who said these lines). Whenever someone has told me not to trust anybody, I don’t know about anybody but I haven’t trusted that person who said this. He saw the world as a mass of deceits and I concluded that he himself is a deceit. We feel about the world the way we feel for ourselves.

Someone who has just seen kindness and happiness in his life will think throughout his life that the world is kind. For him, all that glitters is gold. And when he is impinged by the ‘bad’ part of the world, he just cannot take it. He falls apart. All his expectations, all his perceptions about the world are shattered.

Now, when someone has just seen the ‘bad face’ of the world, and when goodness tries to hug him, he cannot take it. It’s awkward to him. He suspects the beauty of life. He suspects everything that is good. For him, all that glitters is an illusion.

I have seen all the shades of grey from black to white. I found out early that the best way to judge is not to judge. When you judge, you don’t have time to love. It’s best to understand. It’s important to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before having an opinion about him. The world is neither good nor bad, it’s our perception that makes it so.

The Argumentative Ankur

I never liked cricket except the batting part, and in that too, I always believed in sixers and fours. I hated to run for 1s and 2s. I loved football but only being a goalkeeper because that amounted to least running and minimal efforts. Tormented by physical nature of almost all sports, I took argument as my favorite sport. I never knew that argument can be a sport until I saw and understood court cases in Hindi movies of 90’s. My grandpa became my sparring partner in my practice of ‘arguments’ when I was a teenager. As time flew, I became an astonishing arguer (yeah, I am being immodest). I started arguing on every trivial issue with anyone who came in contact with me. I enjoyed it like hell. Arguments became food for my mind.

But things are seemingly changing now. After losing friends (temporary) over arguments and breaking up with decent girls during arguments, I have realized that argument is the worst form of communication. Nothing can be won by winning an argument. Winning arguments satisfy my ego but it hurts other’s ego so deeply that it affects the relationship. I realized that after an argument is settled (it seldom settles), nothing is proved. The winner is happy for proving his point right and the loser is unhappy for not able to prove his point right. Now, don’t assume that after an argument, the loser has accepted the other point. He still thinks his own point to be right. An argument never aims at proving the right point right, but it aims at proving one’s own point right. Arguments seldom reveal the truth; they generally aim at creating a truth.

I am sick of wasting my energy over arguments. Now my condition is that if I am somehow stuck in an argument unintentionally, I shut myself up and pretend to accept the other point. Although I still struggle to hold my temptation for placing my point on the argument table, I’ll completely retire from this sport very soon.

Moral freaks

I talk to so many people who claim to have values and morals. Some of them have even coined a new term called “Moral IQ” (Oh God! I’ll also coin new terms: “loafer IQ”, “freedom IQ”, “enjoyment IQ”). Worst of all, they take pride in holding family values, morals and anything that bars them from enjoying life. They invent their own morals or inherit them from the society. Wherever they get these values or morals from, one thing is sure, they don’t lead them anywhere. People shackle themselves and whine throughout their lives that they cannot enjoy life. And somehow if they do enjoy it, they feel guilty because of such self proclaimed values. Values don’t exist, but are falsely invented. How can a non-existing concept define their existence? How can they even think of flying in a cage of morals and values?

The real joy lies in freedom. The real love is the self love. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone. If you cannot love yourself, no one can love you either. And if you do love yourself, you won’t take away your freedom, you will give yourself plenty of joy that will overflow to provide joy outside. You cannot provide happiness outside, if you are not happy from inside. If you do something from someone’s happiness but that doesn’t give you happiness, then that’s not self love, that’s not even love either. That’s a sacrifice. Someday, that feeling of sacrifice will be replaced by regret.

I think fear is the mother of morality. Some people are too afraid to let themselves fly, to let them break the shackles of society and be free. This fear makes them invent a cage, a protective shell of morals. It takes courage to be free, happy and joyous. Most people lack this courage.

To me, there’s no moral phenomenon, only moral interpretation of a phenomenon. You can blame happy people for being immoral; you can blame free and joyous people for having no values. But in the end, you don’t get anything out of this.

No regrets

The need to be always right is the biggest bar to new ideas (Edward De Bono, my favorite author). I thought my step taken to accept TCS offer letter is wrong. Although reluctant, I took this step with a faith in my destiny (Oh my God! I used 3 words which I seldom use in writing: faith, destiny and God). Sometimes, few small words mean something big when life is going haywire.

As few days unveiled to me my true nature, I think it was a right step. Right step? I don’t know, I don’t categorize things in right and wrong, I categorize things in “can do” and “cannot do”, and I can do this. I had a belief (which in few days was proven to be a self delusion) that I can pursuit writing and graphology as a full time career. I started writing scripts for an online radio show on daily basis. I was enjoying it until it became a compulsion. I couldn’t stand writing for them daily on the topic that they gave me which was always around love. It was then that I realized that I cannot do anything which becomes a compulsion, which takes away my freedom. If I hadn’t accepted TCS offer letter, it would have become a compulsion to write and to pursuit graphology. Sooner or later, I would have got frustrated.

I have an analogy for this. Do you like mangoes? If yes, start eating them one after another. Soon, you’ll get bored of the taste. But, if you steal them from a neighborhood tree, you can have all of them and you would never get fed up. The fun lies in the chase, not the prey. Mango is the prey and stealing them is the chase.

Why do you think kings in the olden times used to go hunting? Couldn’t they hire someone to catch the prey for them and the kings themselves shoot the prey in the cage? No! A big no! That would have weaned them from the fun that lies in the chase.

So, finally, I’ll have fun in stealing time for my passion and hobbies. While I am working as a rat, I can always nibble on my favorite food, that are, writing and graphology. So, no regrets (for the time being).

Enough of this long stretched episode of TCS in my blog. Hopefully, you’ll see something new next time.

Self contradiction

I am going to tell all of you stupid folks, reading my blog, in what context I published my last post on this hedonist and self obsessed blog. Three days back, I received my offer letter from TATA Consultancy Services (TCS). I was praying not to receive this letter but God does exactly opposite to my prayers (I wish I had prayed to receive this letter). But, why to worry about a letter? If I don’t want to join that company, I can always reject the call letter, isn’t it simple? No, it’s not simple for me. I had 2 options out of which I had to choose one in a week:

Option 1: Accept the offer letter, “the world of certainty” in TCS, join the rat race and be a part of the crowd.

Option 2: Reject the offer letter, “the world of uncertainty” in the pursuit of my dream to write my novel, conduct handwriting analysis workshops in companies and colleges (which is uncertain, although I have done it before), prepare for MBA entrance exams and be happy.

Without the offer letter, only option 2 would have left and I wouldn’t have faced problems in taking the decision. Let me tell you, I am very bad at taking decisions. I am indecisive and when I stick to a decision of my own, it’s either wrong or not right.

After a day of deep pondering, I decided not to take decision and ask my advisor “Shri Goenka ji” to decide for me. Mind you, I didn’t tell my parents anything about it. They are too naïve and prejudiced to dream big.

My respected and deep regarded advisor told me to join TCS, not as a job but as a platform. Platform no.1 pe aane waali TCS express gaadi, Delhi se chalke Ram-bharose gaaon jaayegi. Well, he convinced me with his rationale and foresight which I bank upon. After talking to Goenka ji, I told my mom about this. Her words never cease to impress me. She said, “I never asked you to join TCS. I know you have dreams on which I have a strong confidence. But deep inside in my heart, I knew that if you join any company, you’ll pursuit your dream more swiftly. I have this gut feeling that you won’t stay there idle (as most of the employees do) and you will keep your pace fast towards your novel and towards extra-ordinary goals of yours.”

Finally, in the morning I told my dad about it. His reaction was as expected and not worth commenting on. But thankfully, he’s happy about it, but what about me? Am I happy? No, I am not. My worst fears have come true. “The world of certainty” has made me uncertain about myself. The only consolation I have is that I’d stay idle most of the time in that well established company so that I can convert that idleness into my kind of work.

I preach people to believe in your dreams, to take the road not taken and never be a part of the rat race. I have proved one thing now:
Those who can - DO
Those who can’t - Preach

we make choices, choices make us

Times come in life when you have to choose between certainty and uncertainty, low risk and high risk, easy and difficult, common and uncommon. Most of the people that I know certainly choose the low risk, easier and common path. The sad part is not that they join the rat race. The sad part is that they join it happily, unaware how unfulfilled they will be in the coming time. The sadder part is that when the unfulfilled times come, they refuse to change their path and take shelter in helplessness which they call ‘majboori’. They take comfort in self-sympathy, count their sacrifices and make their offsprings follow the same path.

Everyone wants to special and extra-ordinary but only a few have the courage to leave the ordinary life and take “The road not taken”.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

by Robert Frost

Honestly, I am not scared of the risks involved. I am scared of the life that makes me a participant of the rat race. I am scared that my life will go unnoticed. I can walk alone in the wilderness and embrace the immeasurable beauty that life can provide. But I cannot walk among the crowd, trying to be ahead of everyone, pushing and making my way to the front throughout my life, knowing that there’s no front, only a circle going round and round. The choice lies in my hand – the choice between certain and uncertain.

a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose............

How does it matter if it’s love or attraction? They both come with a desire. When the attraction is exclusive, intense and unattainable, we call it love. I don’t see a need to label feelings. Feelings are felt by heart, labeling is done by crooked brain. I don’t prefer interchanging their jobs. Let feelings be alone felt by heart and keep brain away from it else, contamination occurs. This contamination leads to confusion and frustration. People spend all their time in thinking about their feelings, whether they are in love or they are attracted. Thus, they fail to cherish the feeling. They fail to feel.

What happens when an average person has ‘feelings’ for someone? He keeps on pondering himself and asking people about his feelings. Now, how can someone else judge other’s feelings? Why does one ask others about one’s feeling? These questions disgust me. People just fail to realize that feelings are only to be felt, not to be labeled. They mix heart and brain, and then, stay confused throughout their lives. People or that person himself, if logically prove his feelings to be ‘attraction’, he forces himself not to feel. Thus, heart-the supreme power, recoils and the person is spilt, dichotomy occurs internally. While one half of his is trying to feel, the other half is trying to run away.

So, I prefer being honest about my feelings instead of labeling them with my own prejudices because a feeling is a feeling is a feeling is a feeling.......

United I fall

What is the difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finish’?
When you get the right partner, you feel complete. When you get the wrong partner, you are finished!

But what if, one is getting a wrong one every time. In my case, whenever I have been with someone, my life had got screwed badly. In the beginning everything seems lovely but slowly things decay. The more I try to slow or end the decay process, faster it happens. So what makes me take the risk of screwing my life again and again? Why do I venture into a disaster called ‘relationship’? I won’t say it’s because of faith. Faith is not wanting to know what’s true. But I want to know the truth. And the truth is that I am too tempted to get with someone. It’s the highs of a relationship that takes me higher (although they make lows more frequent). They say, “Why to repeat mistakes when you have so many new ones to make?” But I keep on sucking the sweet poisonous nectar from the wild flower of love. I am addicted, truly madly, deeply.

It’s my demands, dynamism and over romanticism that leads the relationship to the zenith. Then, a tipping point comes when everything falls down to the mother earth, shattered and ruined. I have learnt to throw the ball up but haven’t yet learnt to catch it when it comes down. May be, I don’t even see it coming down. My vision might be myopic or may be I am too distracted while playing with other balls. Whatever the case is, fault lies in me. I don’t want to be the king who spread the carpet in his entire kingdom to save his feet from thorns. I’d rather wear shoes, Nike may be ;)